28 August 2011
27 August 2011
25 August 2011
24 August 2011
Marrying a Wisconsin Woman
Three friends married women from different parts of the country.
The first man married a woman from Alabama. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from South Dakota. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw that it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a woman from Wisconsin. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot food on the table for each meal. He said that the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
The first man married a woman from Alabama. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from South Dakota. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw that it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a woman from Wisconsin. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot food on the table for each meal. He said that the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
22 August 2011
Word ... Perfect: Customer Support
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!)
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble?'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure..'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!)
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble?'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure..'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'
18 August 2011
Don't travel.
... unless you like to ... and you're well prepared ... and your kids are, too! (ok, IF you have kids)
:)
:)
16 August 2011
Stop and smell the roses ...
... or petunias ... or sunflowers ... Heck, just stop and stare! Enjoy!
14 August 2011
12 August 2011
Murphy's First Law:
If something bad CAN happen, it WILL happen ... and probably to someone you know. Just hope it doesn't happen to YOU!
09 August 2011
Motivation ...
... derailed.
But I am determined to get through this ... to persevere ... to press on ... and to succeed!
But I am determined to get through this ... to persevere ... to press on ... and to succeed!
08 August 2011
Cingino Dam, Northern Italy
Beautiful, huh?
No biggee :)
PS ... this is old news. Found this link (http://www.ruralramblings.com/alpine-ibex-on-cingino-dam) that shows a posting from October, 2010.
If you look closely, below, you'll see 'dots' on the dam, though. Wonder what's up?
Yep, those are goats ...
... or more specifically, Alpine Ibex.
They like to eat the moss that grows on the dam.
06 August 2011
05 August 2011
04 August 2011
The logic of 8-yr-olds never ceases to amaze me
If you're an eight-year-old boy and your younger sibling screams, you ...
a) stop what you're doing to see if that person is okay.
b) quickly call for a parent to help make sure that person isn't hurt.
c) keep doing what you're doing because you KNOW that you are right! (Even though YOU are the one making them scream.)
When a parent tells you that you have five minutes left to play before picking-up/leaving/going to bed, you ...
a) say, "Thank you. I'll make sure to pick up."
b) acknowledge the remark with a nod and make sure to listen for the final call after the five minute period.
c) yell, "No! Ten minutes!" and start whining and crying.
If you are eight, when you're parent tells you, "No, you can't do [that], I need you to do [this].", you ...
a) remember that you lost a week's worth of television privileges for your response to the above scenario.
b) calmly discuss the options before eventually quietly acquiescing to your parent's request.
c) yell and scream "No." over and over until you have lost more privileges.
(Hint: 'c' is the correct answer ... for everything.)
a) stop what you're doing to see if that person is okay.
b) quickly call for a parent to help make sure that person isn't hurt.
c) keep doing what you're doing because you KNOW that you are right! (Even though YOU are the one making them scream.)
When a parent tells you that you have five minutes left to play before picking-up/leaving/going to bed, you ...
a) say, "Thank you. I'll make sure to pick up."
b) acknowledge the remark with a nod and make sure to listen for the final call after the five minute period.
c) yell, "No! Ten minutes!" and start whining and crying.
If you are eight, when you're parent tells you, "No, you can't do [that], I need you to do [this].", you ...
a) remember that you lost a week's worth of television privileges for your response to the above scenario.
b) calmly discuss the options before eventually quietly acquiescing to your parent's request.
c) yell and scream "No." over and over until you have lost more privileges.
(Hint: 'c' is the correct answer ... for everything.)
03 August 2011
02 August 2011
Enough is NEVER enough ...
... except when ENOUGH is ENOUGH.
Moderation and compromise. When did these become BAD things?
Moderation and compromise. When did these become BAD things?
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