Teacher: If this class doesn't stop making so much noise I'll go crazy!
Class: Too late, we haven't made a sound for an hour!
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I'm not going back to school ever again
Why not?
The
teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions! |
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What are you going to be when you get out of school?
An old man! |
What did you learn in school today ?
Not enough; I have to go back
tomorrow! |
Mother: What did you learn in school today?
Son: How to
write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know. They haven't
taught us how to read yet! |
Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?
Daughter:
How to talk without moving my lips! |
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How do bees get to school ?
By school buzz !
What is the first thing a little snake learns in school?
Hiss
tory. |
What is the first thing a little gorilla learns in school?
The Ape
B C's. |
What do little astronauts get when they do their homework?
Gold
stars. |
Why did the little vampires stay up all night?
They were studying
for a blood test. |
TEACHER: Name four members of the cat family.
PUPIL: Mother,
father, sister and brother. |
TEACHER: Name six wild animals.
PUPIL: Two lions and four
tigers. |
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT:
Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT:
Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, teacher.
I'm eight today. |
Where do monsters study?
In ghoul school. |
Who sits in front of the class in ghoul school?
The creature
teacher. |
TEACHER: Name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten
years ago.
PUPIL: Me!
"Teacher, may I leave the room?"
"Well, you certainly can't take it
with you." |
TEACHER: Fred, go to the map and find North America.
FRED: Here it
is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS:
Fred! |
TEACHER: Do you know "London Bridge Is Falling Down?"
PUPIL: No,
but I hope no one gets hurt. |
SON: I won a prize in kindergarten today. The teacher asked me how many
legs a hippopotamus had. I said three.
FATHER: Three? How on earth did
you win the prize?
SON: I came the closest. |
Fred came into his kindergarten class with a squirming worm."What
are you doing with that disgusting worm?" asked his teacher.
"We were
playing outside," said Fred, "and I thought I'd show him my
kindergarten." |
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With tears in his eyes, the little boy told his kindergarten teacher that
only one pair of boots was left in the classroom and they weren't his. The
teacher searched and searched, but she couldn't find any other boots. "Are you
sure these boots aren't yours?" she asked."I'm sure," the little boy
sobbed. "Mine had snow on them." |
TEACHER: Goodness, Fred, haven't you finished washing that blackboard yet?
You've been at it for an hour.
FRED: I know, but the more I wash it, the
blacker it gets. |
WATSON: What school did you go to, Holmes?
SHERLOCK: Elementary,
my dear Watson! |
It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard
a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted
one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise.
He seized the lad, dragged him into the hall, and told him to wait there
until he was excused.
Returning to the classroom, the principal restored
order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good
behavior. "Now," he said, "are there any questions?"
One girl stood up
timidly. "Please, sir," she asked, "may we have our teacher back?" |
Mrs. Jones brought her son Elmer to register at school. However, Elmer was
only five, and the required age was six.
"I think," said Mrs. Jones to
the principal, "that he can pass the six year old test."
"We'll see,"
replied the principal. "Elmer, say the first thing that comes to your
mind."
"Do you want logically connected sentences," said Elmer, "or
purely irrelevant words?"
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The first day of school is always special to me. It's the only day of the
year when I'm not behind in my homework. |
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The first day of school wouldn't be so bad if it weren't followed by the
second day of school, and the third day of school, and then the fourth day of
school . . . |
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The first day of school is exciting, but so is riding a roller coaster, and I
wouldn't want to do that for nine months in a row either. |
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Teachers always seem happy on the first day of school. That's because they're
getting paid to be there. We kids have to do it for free. |
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Show me a kid who likes the first day at school and I'll show you a kid who
likes to get his lip caught under a manhole cover. |
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There's one good thing about the first day of school. When it's over; you're
one day closer to the last day of school. |
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Some kids enjoy buying school supplies. To me, it's like buying your own
dental instruments. |
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One of my classmates gets carried away. He shows up for the first day of
school each year with a smiling face and three pack mules of school
supplies. |
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I show up at the beginning of each school year with a full pencil box and an
empty head. |
I love school supplies. If only there were some other place we could use them
besides school.
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My grandparents buy me so many school supplies for the first day of school
that I have to take the first two weeks off just to sharpen
pencils. |
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I buy pencils with an eraser at both ends. That's so I can make sure I don't
make the same mistake twice. |
PUPIL: Teacher, I don't have a pencil.
TEACHER: How can you come to
school without a pencil?
PUPIL: I took the bus. |
PUPIL: Teacher, I don't have a pencil.
TEACHER: I want you to write
100 times, "I will come to school prepared."
PUPIL: With
what? |
MOTHER: Now those are the kinds of clothes I wish I could have worn when I
was in school.
DAUGHTER: They were probably in style back
then. |
MOTHER: There now, young man, I think that outfit is absolutely
perfect.
SON: Mom, it's the first day of school; not a Pee Wee Herman
look alike contest. |
MOTHER: I want to help you pick out your new school outfits because I want
you to buy clothes that last.
SON: Mom, the clothes you pick out will
last forever because I'm never going to wear them. |
MOTHER: Now these new clothes are expensive. I don't want you coming home
from school that first week with a hole in the knee.
SON: Okay, Mom,
where would you like the hole? |
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I don't know how my Mom does it, but she even buys shoelaces that are out of
style. |
MOTHER: What's wrong with the new clothes I bought you? They're
indestructible.
SON: So is a Sherman tank, Mom, but I wouldn't wear it to
school.
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Moms like to buy "sensible" clothing. That's the kind that they only sell in
the "Junior Nerd" department. |
FRED: What room are you in this year?
HARRY: Room 12A.
FRED:
Wait a minute, that's the gymnasium.
HARRY: When I registered for school
this year, I told them I was a basketball. |
TEACHER: I'm your teacher this year. My name is Mr. Wilson. Can you all
remember that?
PUPIL: If we can't, we're going to have one hard time with
the 9 times tables. |
FRED: I have the toughest teacher in the whole school.
HARRY: How
do you know that?
FRED: Last year he failed himself. |
TEACHER: Everybody hand in your homework, please.
PUPIL: Teacher,
it's the first day of school. We didn't have any homework.
TEACHER: That's
right, and that's the last excuse for not doing your homework that I'll accept
for the rest of the year. |
HARRY: My teacher this year is Mrs. Wright. They say she rules the first
grade with an iron fist.
FRED: I believe it. That's the way she plays the
piano at school assemblies. |
TEACHER: I'll be your teacher this year. Does anybody here know my
name?
PUPIL: How do you like that? It's only the first day of school and
already we're having a quiz. |
TEACHER: I'll be teaching you English this year and there are two words
that I will not permit on any of your writing assignments. One is "cool" and the
other is "lousy "
PUPIL: Okay, what are the words? |
FRED: Our teacher is going to be tough this year. We've been instructed to
say "Yes, Sir" and "No, Sir."
HARRY: That's not unusual.
FRED: It
is when your teacher's a woman |
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