30 June 2011
29 June 2011
The Haircut
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, "I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week."
The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a "thank you" card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop came in for a haircut, but when he tried to pay his bill the barber said, "I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week."
The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a "thank you" card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber said, "I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week."
The Congressman was very pleased and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
28 June 2011
The Need to Criticize
When confronted with an undesirable situation or event, it seems that human nature automatically requires that we criticize or find fault with someone or something. I’m not sure why, but often it’s second nature to subconsciously protect our own ego at all cost.
Have you notice that people usually find fault more often than they find solutions. Why? The answer is obvious. It’s always easier to spot the problem than it is to find a solution. Finding a solution requires thought and processing and analysis and too often when confronted with a difficult situation, our mind goes on auto-pilot and doesn’t take the time to look at our predicament from all angles before we speak.
In the long run, criticizing, complaining, or condemning others is probably not going to produce the intended result. We may feel at the time that solutions will be found through negative examination of the facts. However, what is likely to happen is it will create more problems that could spiral into a downright slugfest resulting in both emotional and physical damage.
The usual reaction of a person being criticized is to defend himself, which often leads to losing touch with the real issues that need to be dealt with in the situation. Criticizing hurts a person’s pride and self-importance and causes resentment, a precarious situation when trying to find solutions to the problem.
Give yourself a moment to reflect and do the necessary analysis of the situation.
I find that most of the time when I do this, I realize the situation is not as bad as my initial reaction. In fact, I’ve come to realize that unless confronted with a life or death situation that requires immediate action, taking a few moments or minutes or even hours to contemplate the best plan of action is beneficial to everyone involved.
Oftentimes, when a situation falls short of our expectations, we forget that a positive meeting could provide a way to straighten out the situation. When misunderstandings happen, as they often do, a second chance with more enlightened information, rather than confrontation, will likely provide a conclusion that is more agreeable for everyone involved.
http://worldvillage.com/the-need-to-criticize
Have you notice that people usually find fault more often than they find solutions. Why? The answer is obvious. It’s always easier to spot the problem than it is to find a solution. Finding a solution requires thought and processing and analysis and too often when confronted with a difficult situation, our mind goes on auto-pilot and doesn’t take the time to look at our predicament from all angles before we speak.
In the long run, criticizing, complaining, or condemning others is probably not going to produce the intended result. We may feel at the time that solutions will be found through negative examination of the facts. However, what is likely to happen is it will create more problems that could spiral into a downright slugfest resulting in both emotional and physical damage.
The usual reaction of a person being criticized is to defend himself, which often leads to losing touch with the real issues that need to be dealt with in the situation. Criticizing hurts a person’s pride and self-importance and causes resentment, a precarious situation when trying to find solutions to the problem.
Give yourself a moment to reflect and do the necessary analysis of the situation.
I find that most of the time when I do this, I realize the situation is not as bad as my initial reaction. In fact, I’ve come to realize that unless confronted with a life or death situation that requires immediate action, taking a few moments or minutes or even hours to contemplate the best plan of action is beneficial to everyone involved.
Oftentimes, when a situation falls short of our expectations, we forget that a positive meeting could provide a way to straighten out the situation. When misunderstandings happen, as they often do, a second chance with more enlightened information, rather than confrontation, will likely provide a conclusion that is more agreeable for everyone involved.
http://worldvillage.com/the-need-to-criticize
27 June 2011
The Toughest Lesson I Learned as a New Father
When you become a new father there is so much you have to learn. You’ve walked through marriage for a bit. You’ve learned how to live with and love your wife and what makes that relationship work. But, being a father brings out a different set of responsibilities. To me it wasn’t the normal things. Changing diapers, feeding the baby, etc. – all those things I was fine with. However, learning how to discipline them and learning how to direct them in the right path were really the toughest things for me to learn. To tell you the truth, I’m still learning that after seven kids! They’re all a little bit different. Each one responds differently. Finding out what makes each of those young ones tick was the biggest challenge for me as a new father.
- Tony Dungy
- Tony Dungy
26 June 2011
TOP FIVE SLOGANS FOR MEN'S T-SHIRTS
If there's no beer in heaven, I ain't going.
I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.
Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
If you were me, you'd be awesome!
What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it's all about?
http://www.joke-archives.com/oneliners/tshirtslogans.html
I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.
Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
If you were me, you'd be awesome!
What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it's all about?
http://www.joke-archives.com/oneliners/tshirtslogans.html
25 June 2011
TOP FIVE SLOGANS FOR WOMEN'S T-SHIRTS
Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.
If they don’t have chocolate in heaven, I'm not going.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re OK now.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
http://www.dailyquotes.me/?p=6943
If they don’t have chocolate in heaven, I'm not going.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re OK now.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
http://www.dailyquotes.me/?p=6943
24 June 2011
23 June 2011
Childhood Humor
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dinner."
"Dinner, who?"
"ARE YOU GOING TO EAT YOUR DINNER OR NOT?!?!"
"Can you go get my 'hammerfer', please?"
"What's a 'hammerfer'?"
"A hammer's for pounding nails and stuff."
"What did the carrot say to the rabbit?"
"What?"
"Please don't eat me!"
"What's the dog's favorite part of the house?"
"What?"
"The 'ROOF', 'ROOF'!"
... seriously, these are the jokes told at lunchtime amongst my children.
"Who's there?"
"Dinner."
"Dinner, who?"
"ARE YOU GOING TO EAT YOUR DINNER OR NOT?!?!"
"Can you go get my 'hammerfer', please?"
"What's a 'hammerfer'?"
"A hammer's for pounding nails and stuff."
"What did the carrot say to the rabbit?"
"What?"
"Please don't eat me!"
"What's the dog's favorite part of the house?"
"What?"
"The 'ROOF', 'ROOF'!"
... seriously, these are the jokes told at lunchtime amongst my children.
22 June 2011
Cops: Man caught stealing TV naked
A Bridgeport, Conn., man was caught naked stealing a wide-screen TV from a Norwalk home, police said.
Willie Hayes, 35, was arrested early Monday morning after the homeowner's granddaughter found him naked in the house.
Hayes told the woman he'd met her mother at a bar earlier in the evening and had come home with her, the Post reports. He carried the TV into his van, then returned to the house for the remote.
He told police the woman owed him money, though she said she left the house after he threatened to punch her in the face.
Hayes was charged with larceny, possessing drug paraphernalia and other charges.
21 June 2011
20 June 2011
"Daddy, I'm hungry-y-y-y!"
"Okay. What did you do with the breakfast you didn't eat?"
"Where?"
"At the table, where you ate it this morning - well, some of it, anyway - you know, the mini chocolate doughnuts?"
"Oh ... I'll eat those, too."
"Okay."
"Daddy-y ... What else can I eat?"
"You can have a granola bar."
"Okay, can I watch TV?"
"Did you pick up your coloring book?"
(Quickly running to pick it up and put her book and crayons away.)
"Yes, I did."
"Okay, you can have a granola bar, your chocolate doughnuts, and watch one 'kids' show."
"Thank you, Daddy ... uhh ... Can you turn the TV on?"
"Yes." (Smile, sigh, relax, and remember that she's four ... and a girl.)
"Where?"
"At the table, where you ate it this morning - well, some of it, anyway - you know, the mini chocolate doughnuts?"
"Oh ... I'll eat those, too."
"Okay."
"Daddy-y ... What else can I eat?"
"You can have a granola bar."
"Okay, can I watch TV?"
"Did you pick up your coloring book?"
(Quickly running to pick it up and put her book and crayons away.)
"Yes, I did."
"Okay, you can have a granola bar, your chocolate doughnuts, and watch one 'kids' show."
"Thank you, Daddy ... uhh ... Can you turn the TV on?"
"Yes." (Smile, sigh, relax, and remember that she's four ... and a girl.)
19 June 2011
18 June 2011
17 June 2011
Facebook is cool!
"Friday - Whoot, Whoot!"
.
.
"Dang bee stung me in the armpit when I was sleeping last night. Ouch! Jerk!"
"I keep Your memory You visit me in my sleep" ... "I do?"
"The scene from where the bluesmobile is driving at 115 MPH on Wells and Wacker Drive is real. The film crew received permission to clear the street for two 100 MPH+ passes."
... Thanks, Facebook Friends, for the wonderful world of laughter and fun :)
16 June 2011
The solution ... and the curse
It's a great 'baby-sitter' for when I want to get something done. I have a quick "Yes" response all set when I need to do laundry, work on our finances on the computer, or otherwise do chores around the house (those that I can't use the kids' help with, of course). It is something that keeps them occupied and that I can control. It's the television.
They will not watch 'bad' shows and seem to learn from the TV in the same way that I thought I always used to. But it's also a curse. They ALWAYS ask to watch. I'm not sure that they know how to PLAY at times. If there isn't another friend with whom to play, or a specific task or game to play, they think that they are 'bored!' and need more input from me. They complain. They whine. They need me to decide what they should do.
Sometime soon, I will be stoking their imagination by telling them that the television is off-limits for a couple of days - and we'll see what they can come up with for fun. Of course, I'll be the one in trouble, because I'm not sure I can go any amount of time without either watching it myself - or using it as the baby-sitter.
Oh well.
They will not watch 'bad' shows and seem to learn from the TV in the same way that I thought I always used to. But it's also a curse. They ALWAYS ask to watch. I'm not sure that they know how to PLAY at times. If there isn't another friend with whom to play, or a specific task or game to play, they think that they are 'bored!' and need more input from me. They complain. They whine. They need me to decide what they should do.
Sometime soon, I will be stoking their imagination by telling them that the television is off-limits for a couple of days - and we'll see what they can come up with for fun. Of course, I'll be the one in trouble, because I'm not sure I can go any amount of time without either watching it myself - or using it as the baby-sitter.
Oh well.
15 June 2011
Death Nachos
My advice: anytime someone gives you a tip about food they've previously eaten at a place you haven't - take it!
Tried to go to a baseball game the other night. Had tickets. Asked a few friends to go with me. Met up and tried to head to the stadium. One friend paid for parking nearby, the other brought some peanuts. Planned on quickly meeting our fourth at the field. Problem was - it was raining. We thought it might pass, so we dropped by a bar that was close to the stadium. A couple drinks in, we realized we were in for a wait at the least. One good buddy had been to the bar and grabbed a new brew for each of us to try. Another buddy decided he needed some food and ordered an app.
When the nachos arrived, we dug in. Well, three of us dug in. The fourth - the one who had been to the bar before - proceded to inform us that the nachos had been a problem for his brother the last time he came. Not initially, of course. But he described a process of sitting on a throne that didn't really appeal to those of us still chewing the nachos. After a second or two of thought, we all decided that it was just a risk we were willing to take - and all four of us went back to devouring the plate of chips, cheese and meat.
The rain never did stop. The game was post-poned, and the four of us found a more comfortable establishment to eat and drink at closer to home. I, being the DD, rested on my two earlier beers, and went with Pepsi for the rest of the night. Which ended up being a fairly short one, as we all made it home at a decent hour. My night in bed ended up being really short, too - I woke about four hours into dreamland with some distinct pains in my abdomin.
Long story, but end result? The nachos didn't taste as good coming up as they did going down.
Post script from later in the day: 30 minutes sitting on a throne depositing fluids mid-day was no fun either!
Tried to go to a baseball game the other night. Had tickets. Asked a few friends to go with me. Met up and tried to head to the stadium. One friend paid for parking nearby, the other brought some peanuts. Planned on quickly meeting our fourth at the field. Problem was - it was raining. We thought it might pass, so we dropped by a bar that was close to the stadium. A couple drinks in, we realized we were in for a wait at the least. One good buddy had been to the bar and grabbed a new brew for each of us to try. Another buddy decided he needed some food and ordered an app.
When the nachos arrived, we dug in. Well, three of us dug in. The fourth - the one who had been to the bar before - proceded to inform us that the nachos had been a problem for his brother the last time he came. Not initially, of course. But he described a process of sitting on a throne that didn't really appeal to those of us still chewing the nachos. After a second or two of thought, we all decided that it was just a risk we were willing to take - and all four of us went back to devouring the plate of chips, cheese and meat.
The rain never did stop. The game was post-poned, and the four of us found a more comfortable establishment to eat and drink at closer to home. I, being the DD, rested on my two earlier beers, and went with Pepsi for the rest of the night. Which ended up being a fairly short one, as we all made it home at a decent hour. My night in bed ended up being really short, too - I woke about four hours into dreamland with some distinct pains in my abdomin.
Long story, but end result? The nachos didn't taste as good coming up as they did going down.
Post script from later in the day: 30 minutes sitting on a throne depositing fluids mid-day was no fun either!
14 June 2011
13 June 2011
12 June 2011
The Decision (part 2)
If you missed the televised portion of LeBron James' decision (part 2), here is the transcript of some of the quotes from James' postgame news conference:
In this fall, this is very tough, in this fall I'm going to take my talents to Green Bay and join the Green Bay Packers. Like I said before, I feel like it's going to give me the best opportunity to win and to win for multiple years, and not only just to win in the regular season or just to win five games in a row or three games in a row, I want to be able to win championships. I feel like I can compete up there.
I'm really looking forward to it. To say it was always in my plans, I can't say it was always in my plans because I never thought it was possible. But with the impending NBA lockout and the NFL lockout soon to be over, I had no choice. Besides, the things that the Packers franchise have done to be able to free up cap space and to be able to put themselves in a position to have so many offensive weapons, it was hard to turn down. Those are great players, many of the greatest players in today's game. And, you know, you add me, we're going to be a really good team.
For anyone who is wondering what in the world is going on ... this has been a parody of the decision and I am only trying to mock Mr. James, based on the transcript of his original decision, which can be found at http://espn.go.com/blog/truehoop/post/_/id/17853/lebron-james-decision-the-transcript
11 June 2011
"I don't know what to do-oo!"
"How about reading a book?"
"No, I did that this morning."
"How about putting together a puzzle?"
"No, that's boring."
"How about going outside and playing?"
"No one's outside to play with!"
"How about riding your bike?"
"I already did that."
"How about cleaning up your rooom?"
"Da-ad!!!"
"I'm serious."
"No. How come you always make me do chores?!"
"Well ... you're bored. I thought I was helping you find something to do."
"Yeah, but something FUN!"
"Okay, YOU figure it out, then."
... "I'm bored. I don't know what to do-oo!"
"No, I did that this morning."
"How about putting together a puzzle?"
"No, that's boring."
"How about going outside and playing?"
"No one's outside to play with!"
"How about riding your bike?"
"I already did that."
"How about cleaning up your rooom?"
"Da-ad!!!"
"I'm serious."
"No. How come you always make me do chores?!"
"Well ... you're bored. I thought I was helping you find something to do."
"Yeah, but something FUN!"
"Okay, YOU figure it out, then."
... "I'm bored. I don't know what to do-oo!"
10 June 2011
The Hypnotist Accident
The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.
A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...
"Crap!" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.
http://www.thejokeyard.com/funny_jokes/the_hypnotist_accident.html
A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...
"Crap!" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.
http://www.thejokeyard.com/funny_jokes/the_hypnotist_accident.html
09 June 2011
08 June 2011
"This milk smells weird ... tastes different. Here, you drink it. Tell me what you think."
Actual conversation at dinner tonight.
(Point of fact: the milk was two days past exporation and DID smell bad. I didn't drink it, though.)
(Point of fact: the milk was two days past exporation and DID smell bad. I didn't drink it, though.)
07 June 2011
06 June 2011
Gas prices
Where I live, I can go two blocks to the local Sam's Club gas station and get gas for a 'reasonable price.' Of course, that's all relative, since I was paying less than $10 to completely fill up my Neon in college.
This weekend, we crossed the river, drove five hours, had some family fun. We filled up the van before we left - at Sam's, for $3.60 per gallon. I thought that was a reasonable price, especially since prices had been closer to $4 earlier this year already.
When we got to our destination, I saw prices varying from $3.92 to $3.96 - and I wasn't that happy. Upon starting to travel back on Sunday, I could only see the more expensive prices as we were leaving town and heading home. So, we decided to ride it out a bit, and see if prices on the way home would be less expensive. That way we could stop to take a bathroom break as well.
As we started to get close to the 'E' on the gas guage, it was finally time to pee and fill up the van. End result? ...
05 June 2011
03 June 2011
02 June 2011
What's wrong here?
My seven-year-old son is playing "up" in a baseball league. He is slightly advanced for his age/grade and performs well with the eight-year-olds that are on his team. He's got coaches that work well with the boys and my son does well with them.
But he doesn't play baseball exclusively. This summer, he will swim. In the fall there is always soccer and/or football. He skates and plays hockey on occasion, and he has played in a couple basketball leagues.
In other words - it's not too intense. He loves sports. He plays them all the time, but we're not thinking about pumping too much money and time in right now, nor concentrating on one particular sport. For gosh sakes, he's in first grade, right?
Okay. Then there's my daughter. She's kind of a girlie-girl. Kind of. She still wants to play tee-ball this summer, and she swims. She does gymnastics with a bunch of other pre-school girls on a weekly basis, but no competitions.
However ... she does dance. And this is where my tail tingles (taking a reference from "Over the Hedge"). She's been doing recreational dance for two years. Once a week. All school year. The annual recital is with all the other age groups and divisions of the school at the end of the year. And it is pretty cool.
Last year, at the end of the year, the teachers told her that she was probably good enough to try out for the 'competition' level. We said, "no." This year, they've created a 'performance' level that is a middle level between 'rec' and 'comp.' Just to be sure we all are on the same page - this is a STEP BELOW what competition level would require.
:)
She would go to dance practice/class for ninety minutes (plus?) each week. She would have two performances in addition to the recital. We would need to buy two costumes, a new pair of tap shoes, and specific make-up ... yes, make-up for my five-year-old, UGH!
It doesn't stop there. Fees are also necessary for prop materials and transport. Oh, and did I mention, she'd probably need to complete (and us pay for) a technique class over the summer, an audition class during the fall, and at least one additional workshop during the year.
Thankfully, there would not be any mandatory travel ... and this is the MIDDLE level - not competition even. Wow. That's a lot for a five-year-old.
Not sure I'd put up with that for my son for baseball. Just sayin'
But he doesn't play baseball exclusively. This summer, he will swim. In the fall there is always soccer and/or football. He skates and plays hockey on occasion, and he has played in a couple basketball leagues.
In other words - it's not too intense. He loves sports. He plays them all the time, but we're not thinking about pumping too much money and time in right now, nor concentrating on one particular sport. For gosh sakes, he's in first grade, right?
Okay. Then there's my daughter. She's kind of a girlie-girl. Kind of. She still wants to play tee-ball this summer, and she swims. She does gymnastics with a bunch of other pre-school girls on a weekly basis, but no competitions.
However ... she does dance. And this is where my tail tingles (taking a reference from "Over the Hedge"). She's been doing recreational dance for two years. Once a week. All school year. The annual recital is with all the other age groups and divisions of the school at the end of the year. And it is pretty cool.
Last year, at the end of the year, the teachers told her that she was probably good enough to try out for the 'competition' level. We said, "no." This year, they've created a 'performance' level that is a middle level between 'rec' and 'comp.' Just to be sure we all are on the same page - this is a STEP BELOW what competition level would require.
:)
She would go to dance practice/class for ninety minutes (plus?) each week. She would have two performances in addition to the recital. We would need to buy two costumes, a new pair of tap shoes, and specific make-up ... yes, make-up for my five-year-old, UGH!
It doesn't stop there. Fees are also necessary for prop materials and transport. Oh, and did I mention, she'd probably need to complete (and us pay for) a technique class over the summer, an audition class during the fall, and at least one additional workshop during the year.
Thankfully, there would not be any mandatory travel ... and this is the MIDDLE level - not competition even. Wow. That's a lot for a five-year-old.
Not sure I'd put up with that for my son for baseball. Just sayin'
01 June 2011
Best Intentions
We live in a community that is part of a much larger school district. There are three high schools. I work at the one on the far east side of the school district, while we live (and my son goes to school) in the area that feeds the farthest west high school. They are rivals.
My son has signed up to play football for the Crimson this coming year (2nd grade ... flag football). He's excited. Of course, he also likes the fact that I coach baseball - and he has been a Pirate because I have coached Pirates on the east side of the district.
We went to get a free t-shirt last night for his program - the Crimson. As we were approaching the elementary school where we would pick up the t-shirt, I noticed that he had a Pirate Baseball shirt on. I quickly thought of a way to cover up the shirt so that it wasn't a whole experience of explaining why he was going to be a Crimson but had a Pirate shirt on. Thankfully, we had a sweatshirt in the vehicle that he could put on to cover up the Pirate shirt. He put it on and, voila!, no more Pirate. Crisis averted ...
Or maybe not. As soon as we picked up the Crimson t-shirt, my son unzipped his sweatshirt and proudly displayed his Pirate shirt, explaining to all those who will listen, that his Dad used to coach the Pirates, but that he quit today.
Thanks, son. Thanks.
My son has signed up to play football for the Crimson this coming year (2nd grade ... flag football). He's excited. Of course, he also likes the fact that I coach baseball - and he has been a Pirate because I have coached Pirates on the east side of the district.
We went to get a free t-shirt last night for his program - the Crimson. As we were approaching the elementary school where we would pick up the t-shirt, I noticed that he had a Pirate Baseball shirt on. I quickly thought of a way to cover up the shirt so that it wasn't a whole experience of explaining why he was going to be a Crimson but had a Pirate shirt on. Thankfully, we had a sweatshirt in the vehicle that he could put on to cover up the Pirate shirt. He put it on and, voila!, no more Pirate. Crisis averted ...
Or maybe not. As soon as we picked up the Crimson t-shirt, my son unzipped his sweatshirt and proudly displayed his Pirate shirt, explaining to all those who will listen, that his Dad used to coach the Pirates, but that he quit today.
Thanks, son. Thanks.
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